je ne _____ pas

if i could, i would change my last name so that it started with two "a"s [like aardvark], so that i would always be first for role call. then i'd go back in time [in a time machine] to first grade, and start basking in the glory, ultimately growing up with a higher self-esteem and greater sense-of-purpose. however, arriving in first grade and realizing that i had gone back to a time that existed before i had legally changed my name [in the future-present], i was faced with the realization that i existed only as my past-self, in the past-present, and existed only as my future-self, in the future-present, and that i had essentially reduced my worldly presence to two isolated time-space vortexes, effectively leaving no point of cognition for my purported frame-of-mind. i still exist somewhere, though unsure of my name or purpose and completely unaware of my own body. time travel can be weird.


your mother jokes, anyone?

your mother fucks with such little discretion that most of her diseases have absolutely nothing to do with her affinity for injection drugs and dirty needles.

your mommy is so poor that she couldn’t afford her abortion…and here you are.

your mother’s pussy is so large and ambiguous that people use it to launder money through.

your mom is so fat that when she sits around the house…you just want to be like, mom, fuck, get up; do something. get off your ass; i mean, i’m younger than you and here i am giving you advice on healthy living. i mean, what the fuck is wrong with this picture?!