je ne _____ pas

if i could, i would change my last name so that it started with two "a"s [like aardvark], so that i would always be first for role call. then i'd go back in time [in a time machine] to first grade, and start basking in the glory, ultimately growing up with a higher self-esteem and greater sense-of-purpose. however, arriving in first grade and realizing that i had gone back to a time that existed before i had legally changed my name [in the future-present], i was faced with the realization that i existed only as my past-self, in the past-present, and existed only as my future-self, in the future-present, and that i had essentially reduced my worldly presence to two isolated time-space vortexes, effectively leaving no point of cognition for my purported frame-of-mind. i still exist somewhere, though unsure of my name or purpose and completely unaware of my own body. time travel can be weird.


in the future all children will be adopted, and it will be abnormal for a child to live with his biological parents.

the child, when old enough, should be sat down by his biological parents and informed, “son, we have something important to tell you. we don’t want you to hate us or feel like we’ve been lying to you this whole time— it’s just that….well, you’re not adopted.”